Announcer: This year’s Dig Deep awards is brought to you by Gavin’s Magical Mechanical Auto’s, ”When ya car won’t start with non magical regular nugs and bolts use Gavin’s magical Mechanicals! ya can’t go wrong with Gavin’s magical mechanicals!” and Uncle Eugine’s Ready Set Go Funeral Insurance! ”Your not ready for death, until you’re ready set go, Death, Apply for Uncle Eugine’s Funeral insurance now and get 60% off the new range of Sony HD Dolby Digital 3.5 Sound Silver Coffins, does not apply to the elderly, middle aged and young, Xbox live user’s accepted”.

And now ladies, auto lovers anonymous and the entire Australian cricket team of 1974, you’re host of the Dig Deep awards 2011, Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacullllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!

Dracula enters the stage from backstage ghoul feeding hut.

Dracula (above) with unknown Hamburger, circa, 2011, 3 hours before awards ceremony.

Velcome!!!! to de Dig Deep awards for de year 2011, you have to excuse me and my bloody mouth, I have been feasting on juicy deer carcus for the last 72 hours and my belly is quite full, you see I cannot perform to my fullest potential unless my deer blood level is at at least 250% and even then my act is a little off, I compare it to if Sam Newman were ever to be a guest on The Circle, kind of sexist, yet you can’t look away. I am also quite furious, more furious than usual, more furious then a young vampire gets when his venom spewing mother is refusing blood for his diet and replacing the blood with sheep brain mush to develop sharper mauling teeth for a stronger grip on future meals. You see, vampires and vampiress’s I am so furious because My playstation network account was shut down after it was hacked by numerous internet slang drawing pirates looking for my secret bloodbank, luckily they did not find it because I keep it in my trusty ice sickle chamber deep in the anarchic’s sector for the OG original gangster Vampires. but now I can not play Modern Warfare 3 online and that’s what I was planning on doing for the rest of the vampire holidays with my cousin, Ronula, oh boy is Ronula going to be pissed off or what!.

Anyway enough off my bloodless drooling, I was in such a furious rage this morning… I had to write a song about the dreadful occurrences that had been plaguing my plague full existence and get it off my cardboard like chest. So kind audience members of doom, would you please clap your hands like so… Dracula claps hands.
This song is called I wish I, Dracula could play Modern Warfare 3.

I Wish I, Dracula could play Modern Warfare 3 Written by Dracula Davidson in 38/56 Timing.

DRACULA VERSE (IN FALSETTO):

Repeat Chorus 47x (using left fang only).

Thankyou ladies and blood-filled torso carrying limbulytes, and of course Ronula sends out his apologies for not being able to join me on stage tonight, he has had a bad ear infection the past week after shoving an oreo cookie in his ear, he just wanted to see how an oreo could hear, you know?… Anyway it is time that you bloodthirsty fiends and hip hop artists alike get what you’ve been waiting for… (and I’m not talking about the delicious deer carcus backstage, although, im sure some of you can have that if you want after the show). I’m talking about the one and only for the 3rd time, plus many times to come, THE…

Dig Deep Awards 2011

Swag of the year
And the award goes too……. Adam (not Polaroid, the other Adam, wordizzle)
This young up n comer to the Dig Deepian squadron obviously has flows for days, I’ve heard him drop the S word many times in many of his bars thus justifying him this swaggerlicious award.
Honourable Mentions:
FLYBZ
Bangs
Percival’s Bun yip swag

Freestyler of the year
And the award goes too……. Aerows
This hard hitting rapping slappin crackin machine can go for days, ya probs don’t wanna battle him, he will hurt your feelings and you will probably cry and go home to your mother’s only to find out that your father’s eaten all of the lasagne and all you get is a pile of roast veggies and mash. Congratz Aerows.
Honourable Mentions:
Polaroid
Keiran
Woll (if alive)

Producer of the year
And the award goes too……. Counter
Mudcrab representative made like 100 beats this year, Counter was at his peak this year, especially when he had Braids. 2012 you need Afro Dredlocks homie.
Honourable Mentions:
Felicity
Bill
G-Storme
Pete Rock

The ”Where you at my G?” Award
And the award goes too……. Woll
Woll’s energetic presence was something i looked ford to every Dig Deep. He hasnt been around in a minute, Where you at gawd?. You were like the Sudanese KRS-One to me.
Honourable Mentions:
Troof
Boll (probably knows whereabouts of Woll)
Ural Jr.
Waldo

Singer of the year
And the award goes too……. Aki
This next one goes out to Aki for puttin’ in the hard yards at Dig Deep and perfecting our hooks to make em’ way more soulfull, not to mention she had some sick verses this year too!.
Honourable Mentions:
Maz
Mary
J. Prince (he had his moments).
JMC (for his ballad with Tony Bennet)

The ”Borderline” Dig Deep Award
This one is for the peeps that would be considered borderline dig deep for the unpunctual ness and Dan West aggravating behaviour.
And the award goes too……. Laken
Dig Deep starts at 7:45pm then let’s go grandview.
Honourable Mentions:
Mitchell
Pete & Kev
Deals Oner

Guest of the year
And the award goes too……. Akalla
Akalla came round July 2011 with that other poet (sorry I forgot his name, I’m gettin old ya know) and they both shared some great inspiring stuff with us so they get this award fa’sho.
Honourable Mentions:
The Bank People (not really, that was just rofl)
Fuzmo the hat eating wonder rabbit

Performance of the year
And the award goes too……. Ashike Africa
Fun day, Good hosting by my manz Woll and we all held down the performance well.
Honourable Mentions:
Our Backyard 2011
Supporting Massive at that club in the city, I forget the name.
Signall 2011.
The NRL Grand Final (Thanks Bank People!!!!)

Quotable of the year
And the award goes too……. ”I wanna show Glen my pet Mudcrab” – JMC
JMC gets this award for the creating the image of a mudcrab wandering around in the Dig Deep studio, we should get a mudcrab den for the studio.
Honourable Mentions:
”Put the nana’s in ya Orifice” – James Watts
”Ventalin Enhaleeeeeerrr” – Jack Hewitt
”Getting knifed over cream” – Jason, Mary & Polaroid.
”Whadda’ya write?” – Trippa

Keiran of the year
And the award goes too……. Keiran
It’s only right.
Honourable Mentions:
Keiran
Keiran
Keiran.
Keiron (fake Keiran)

The top 10 REAL reasons why Dan went to Italy.

10. For a holiday because Dan love’s a holiday.
9. Dan secretly owns a chain of pet stores in Napaly called West’s Pet’s, they accidentally imported a batch of savage Doberman over from west Africa which eventually would lead to the destruction of over 12 locations. Dan went over to Napaly to obliterate the savage demons with his custom made Doberman obliteration rifle and restore the 12 locations.
8. He was selected to take part in the newly re opened Colosseum Olympic games, contending for a gold medal for Lion Wrestling, he was disqualified for calling the judges retarded after receiving the bronze medal after he single handedly hurled 6 Lions into 6 Tigers simultaneously.
7. He wanted to give Michael Angelo’s David a hat, when putting on the hat he was stopped by the guards to which he replied with ”the guy is naked for gods sake, let him have a hat, you retards”.
6. Dan runs a secret underground hat transporting mafia, After 3 of his corners in Rome were staunched off his crew by a crazed hatrunning opposition, he was forced to leave Australia to take back what is rightfully his, the streets.
5. They hold the international hat convention every year in Naples, Dan was awarded with the midnight beige award.
4. Dan is actually a celebrity in Italy, known as the Hat Adventurer, he has his own reality show where he wears various cargo pants and travels round in jeeps with his sidekick parrot ”McGinley Giggles” looking for exotic hats.
3. Dan must be in Italy before sundown every December otherwise he will turn into Saltanabloke (a giant Australian unstoppable Sultana that will eat and abuse every garden flower in the southern hemisphere.
2. He wanted to test out his newly developed Robot ”DanwesTRON4000” to see if it could work as his replacement at Dig Deep, it was set on fire at the arts centre car park after its main catchphrase soundboard crashed and starting calling everyone retarded on loop after 86 straight hours.
1. The president of Italy called Dan on a highly secretive mission to stop the leaning tower of pizza from leaning till it would collapse, Dan hoped onto the next flight to Italy because Dan’s hat is the only device that can telepathically control buildings from leaning using it’s highly concentrated purple gas seeping turnip invisible powers, Dan’s hat was able turn the leaning tower of pizza into the tower of pizza. (It was eaten by Giant Moth Man moments later.)

Well that’s all for 2011 ya’ll, ima go chill with my vampires and celebrate the new year with meat (no wooden) steaks and chicken wings!, I hope ya’ll enjoyed this ceromony of sorts, Until next hamburger diner raid, happy new year and lots of blood! – Dracula J. Davidson.

This post has been given the Gary Lyon Sign of Approval.